Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
