so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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