whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
