I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
