think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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