You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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