I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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