glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
