in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
