There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
