strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
