I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
