WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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