So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
