It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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