We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
