He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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