well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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