I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
