i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
