i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
