Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that's an acceptable place to lick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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