I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
