I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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