I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
