What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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