Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
