i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
