No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
