I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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