Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
