So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
