i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
