i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
