You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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