Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
