i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
