i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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