I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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