one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
