i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
