you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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