i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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