are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
