I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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