yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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