yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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