I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
