You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
