I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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