We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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