Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
