My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
