The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
